Feeling like you need to be perfect is exhausting. You might set very high goals for yourself. And then you feel anxious about not reaching them.
This is a common cycle. Perfectionism and anxiety often go together. The need for perfection creates anxiety. And anxiety makes you demand even more perfection from yourself.
This article explains how the cycle works. It also explains how therapy in Vancouver can help you break it.
What is Unhealthy Perfectionism?
Perfectionism isn’t just about doing good work. Healthy striving is about wanting to improve. Unhealthy perfectionism is about fearing failure.
It’s about being very critical of yourself. You think, “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.” You might focus more on avoiding mistakes than on doing well.
Here are some signs of unhealthy perfectionism:
- Setting goals that are almost impossible to reach.
- Thinking in extremes (all-or-nothing thinking). Something is either perfect or a total failure.
- Feeling intense anxiety or fear about making mistakes.
- Putting off tasks because you’re afraid you can’t do them perfectly.
- Feeling that your worth depends on being perfect.
How Perfectionism and Anxiety Create a Cycle
Perfectionism and anxiety fuel each other. This creates a cycle that is hard to stop.
- Anxiety starts the need for control. You feel anxious or uncertain. To feel safe, you decide that being perfect is the only solution.
- Perfectionism creates impossible rules. You set strict, unrealistic standards for yourself.
- The standards cause more anxiety. You are constantly afraid of not meeting your own rules. This creates more anxiety.
- Anxiety increases the need for perfection. The more anxious you feel, the more you cling to the idea of perfection to cope. The cycle repeats.
This cycle can affect your work, school, and relationships. It can lead to burnout. It can also affect your self-esteem. When you are stuck in this cycle, it’s hard to find a way out alone.
How Therapy Helps Break the Cycle
Therapy for perfectionism does not aim for you to stop caring. It aims to help you develop a healthier relationship with your goals. Good therapy addresses both perfectionism and the underlying anxiety.
| Therapy Approach | How It Works | What It Helps With |
| Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) | Helps you identify and change perfectionist thought patterns. | Challenges thoughts like “I must be perfect to be loved.” Teaches you to set realistic goals and manage anxiety. |
| Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) | Focuses on accepting difficult thoughts and feelings instead of fighting them. | Helps you clarify your values and take action based on them, even if you feel anxious. Reduces the struggle for control. |
| Mindfulness & Self-Compassion | Teaches you to notice your thoughts without judgment and be kinder to yourself. | Reduces self-criticism. Helps you respond to mistakes with understanding instead of shame. |
A therapist will help you understand where your perfectionism comes from. Sometimes it is related to past experiences or trauma. In these cases, a therapist trained in trauma counselling Vancouver can be very helpful. They can address the root causes of your need for control.
Therapy is a safe space to practice not being perfect. You learn to tolerate the discomfort of making a mistake. You build confidence that you can handle imperfection.
What to Expect in Perfectionism and Anxiety Therapy in Vancouver
- Assessment: Your therapist will talk with you about your history, your anxiety, and your perfectionist patterns.
- Learning New Skills: You will learn practical tools from the approaches above. You might learn to challenge a critical thought or practice a self-compassion exercise.
- Gradual Exposure: You will practice doing things imperfectly in small steps. This builds tolerance.
- Addressing Root Causes: You may explore deeper beliefs or past experiences that fuel the cycle. This is where specialized therapy can be integrated.
- Building a New Path: The goal is to help you act based on your values, not your fears.
FAQs About Therapy for Perfectionism
Isn’t perfectionism a good thing? Isn’t it what makes me successful?
Perfectionism might seem helpful in the short term. But in the long term, it leads to burnout, anxiety, and procrastination. Healthy high achievers are motivated by passion, not fear. Therapy can help you find that kind of motivation.
I’m anxious about starting therapy because I might not be a “perfect” client. Is that normal?
Yes. This is a very common worry for perfectionists. A good therapist knows this. They will help you feel comfortable. You can go at your own pace
Can this therapy help if my perfectionism affects my relationship?
Yes. Perfectionism can create unrealistic expectations for partners and lead to conflict. Working on this in individual therapy can improve your relationship. Sometimes, couples counselling Vancouver can also be useful to address these patterns together.
Is this just for work or school stress?
No. Perfectionism can show up anywhere. It can affect parenting (like feeling you must be a perfect parent), appearance, or hobbies. Postpartum counselling often addresses the intense pressure to be a “perfect” parent, which is a form of perfectionism.
How do I find the right therapist in Vancouver?
Look for a registered counsellor or psychologist who lists perfectionism as a specialty. Read about their approach (like CBT or ACT). Openspace Counselling in Vancouver offers perfectionism counselling with therapists trained in these methods. They can help you understand and break the cycle.
The cycle of perfectionism and anxiety is tough. But it is possible to break. Therapy provides the tools and support to help you do it. The goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to be free.
